Name: Olivier
Day
Twitter: @olivierday
Other Social
Media: www.olivierday.ca
(my main hub)
Kids (age): Orélie, 2 / Noah
(arriving January 2016)
Reaching that
point of unequivocal selflessness that will influence every decision you make
going forward. When you come to terms to with the fact that it's NOT about you.
To realize there is someone out there who relies on your presence, guidance and
love every day is both intimidating and motivating as well.
What are the most important qualities you
want to teach your children? Why?
Self-reliance,
for one thing. The ability to trust her gut, wit and natural instinct. Dependency
is a crutch. She should never be too proud or afraid to ask for help, but also
be in a position to rely on her own abilities in order to figure things out for
herself and achieve her goals.
Another one is
humility, most definitely. To always be grateful for what she has. Life is a
minefield of unpleasant circumstances but also some very rewarding ones. She
should embrace each and every one as a learning opportunity as these are what
shape us as individuals. She should not burden her path with doubt and regret
but instead, simply aim to do her best, be on time, and remain respectful at
all times.
Finally,
self-esteem. I have a daughter so this comes from a personal place – no matter
how far we've come in the scope of Women's Lib, I believe it's still a very
harsh world for girls and women out there. She's going to face issues that
neither I nor her mother can prepare her for (cat calling, hypersexualization,
potential sexual assault, body image & health issues, gender inequality...)
I may be painting a picture of Daddy Apocalypse, but these are not things I can
simply ignore. She should know that she matters, she is worthy, she is
precious, she is smart, and she is beautiful. And let there be not a single
ill-willed soul to attempt to convince her otherwise.
What is your best quality as a dad (What
makes you an Awesome Dad)? What do you want to work on?
"Daddy does hair" for one thing – not taking
away from all the awesome things he's done for us, but my father did NOT do my
sister's hair. For my part, I don't view fatherhood as defined by a particular
set of gender-specific tasks. I make a conscious effort to do pretty much
anything that allows me to be a part of her life and well-being. I work long
hours so what little time I have before daycare or before bedtime is dedicated
to her. I make it a priority to be involved, so she knows her dad is always
reliable – and that's what matters.
Improvements?
Like I said – I work a lot. And it will happen for me to bring my work home
(both mentally, and physically). So I'll find myself being less patient with
her, as I might be dealing with the stress and anxiety of the day – that's when
I'll reach out to my wife and signal her for a quick 5mn-break as she runs
interference and allows me that unwinding time. Need to set better boundaries.
Favorite activity with your children?
When the
weather's good, there's this bench not far from our house. She wakes up super
early on the regular so sleeping in on weekends is a Purple Unicorn I've long
since stopped chasing. While her mom stays in bed, I dress her up, and we'll go
for a walk in the neighborhood to and from what has become "our
bench".
Best moment as a dad?
*Driving home
after picking her up, lost in my thoughts, one o'those days...*
- Daddy, are
you sad?
-A little bit
-Why?
-Daddy has a
lot on his mind, trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes, daddy just doesn't
know.
-I don't want
you to be sad, daddy. I'm gonna ask Baby Jesus to bring out the sun so you can
feel better.
*Drops mic*
(Honorable
mention) That "I love you, daddy" that you really didn't expect and
stops you dead in your tracks because you know it's genuine.
If you could give ONE piece of advice to
someone who is about to become a father, what would it be?
Kids don't ask
to be born. It's not about you anymore. The quicker you accept that, the better
you can enjoy and build on this amazing new relationship.
What is the best advice you’ve received
about becoming a father? The worst?
The first year
is always rough, and for us it was no different. Add up a recent both my wife
and our daughter dealing with a catalog of health issues, it was especially
hard. On the subject of dealing with tantrums that blow up at those times when
you REALLY don't need them, a colleague (with 4 kids of his own) told me
"...kids can be assholes – but they can't defend themselves. If you feel
the exhaustion building up and the frustration getting to you...put her in a
safe place, turn the monitor on...and walk away. Go to your basement or the
kitchen, and breathe it out. You're not perfect, but don't be a menace."
Worst advice ever? Not really 'advice' per say, but more of an
unwelcome if not offensive comment - You be the judge: "You already got
her pregnant. You did your part, didn't you?" Goes to show you how
inconsiderate certain people can be and how little value they put to the role
of a father.
Do you have any fatherhood role models? Who
and why?
As cliché as it sounds, I have to tip my hat
in respect to my own father. I grew up in Haiti, and his job took him on the
road a lot. I can't imagine, in a time before WhatsApp, or even phones in every
household, what it must have been like to go days on end without talking or
seeing your wife and young children. He didn't have an easy childhood himself
and life threw him some pretty nasty curveballs over the years. But that never
steered him from always being there for my siblings and I when we needed him.
Through discipline and wise nurturing, he's always held us to a higher standard
of achievement and personal growth, and still does actually as he's one of the
smartest guys I know. Never failed to remind me as I was growing up that a
man/father/husband "...should be the pillar on which on his wife and
children can lean on." Those are
some healthy and empowering words to live by. I'm grateful for their resonance
as they come from a man whose example of patience, courage, love and stoicism
taught me that nobody has it all figured out, but you can always do better.
(Honorable
Mention) My father-in-law - A man I hold in high regard for the example he’s
shown me with his devotion and sacrifice for his family, to which he’s welcomed
me. A man of simplicity yet great dignity. Quite the patriarch, nothing pleases
him more than a delightful dinner surrounded by his family. Indeed, what more
can you ask for? Can you think of anything more precious?
Any embarrassing moments as a dad (aka Dad
Fails)?
Locked myself
out of the house once. Good thing we taught her how to open doors. After a
grocery run with her, brought her in. Went back to get the bags – realized I
locked myself out.
What is your biggest fear as a father?
The usual suspects: missing out, not doing
enough, letting them down. I think every dad, bottom-line, just wants to make
sure he's done "all right".
Fast forward 20 years. What would you want
your child to say about you as a dad when they look back at their childhood?
"We always knew we were loved. He made
sure of that."
Anything else you want to say? Funny story?
A Dad quote?
A father is not
just 'the other parent'. Be reliable and loving, not perfect.
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